If you are no longer in a marriage and have children, co-parenting is an excellent idea to ensure you enjoy your child and the child enjoys both parents. However, it can be a daunting task, especially if the divorce is complex and not amicable. A custody agreement ensures everything runs smoothly for all involved parties, regardless of your differences. Remember that human beings are emotional, and your emotions could ruin your chance to raise your child together. An agreement ensures that the best interests of your child take center stage.
Child custody agreements provide clear guidelines on parental custody rights, including visitation, custody, vacations, and holidays. It will ensure you maintain a cordial relationship with your partner and child. Fortunately, there is a lot of information out there that could help you create an agreement that works for you and your partner. An experienced divorce attorney can also provide valuable insights and help you write an agreement according to your child's needs.
Here are some tips that could help you develop a successful child custody agreement today:
Keep It Positive
A divorce is difficult to deal with, even in a short marriage. People marry for life. You envision a future with your partner. However, things do not always go as you plan, and a divorce becomes inevitable. It becomes even more complicated if one partner’s mistake, like infidelity, causes the marriage to break. Thus, it becomes difficult to agree on anything, especially when one or both partners are angry at each other. You could even be tempted to make things a little hard for your partner, primarily if you blame them for the failed marriage.
However, when a child is involved, you should set your anger aside and make a decision that will benefit your child. Remember that your child is innocent in all this. The decision you make regarding their well-being will shape their entire future. This calls for a positive and settled mind so you can draft a custody agreement that serves your child's best interests.
A positive mind will ensure you consider everything your child needs to develop an effective child custody agreement for you and your partner. It enables you to act maturely and remain calm in a stressful situation. You can easily demonstrate your readiness to cooperate with your partner, regardless of the cause of your failed marriage. Refrain from focusing on your shortcomings or those of your partner. Instead, consider your positive traits and how they can benefit your child moving forward.
In most cases, harboring bitterness makes decision-making difficult after a divorce. Thus, use positive words in the agreement to avoid provoking your partner. For example, you can suggest that each parent spend more time with the child instead of cautioning your partner about abandoning the child with their parents to go out with friends.
An experienced divorce attorney can help you negotiate a favorable custody agreement that works for you, your partner, and your child.
Choose The Best Type of Custody for You and Your Partner
It will benefit you to sit with your partner and decide on the best child custody for your child’s benefit. One partner cannot make this decision alone without consulting or involving the other. Review your child’s best interests together without letting your emotions get in the way. Co-parenting is not always harmonious, but you can develop a practical one if you agree with your partner. A skilled divorce attorney will explain the different types of custody to help you make an informed decision.
When deciding what type of custody to go for, consider what would benefit your child most. You can have legal custody or physical custody, depending on what you believe are your child’s best interests. If your child is safe with both parents, shared custody allows them to spend enough time with each of you as you jointly make decisions about the child’s future. It means you will have a say on all matters regarding the child, including their school, the hospital they should be treated, religious issues, and the sports the child should participate in.
The guidance of a skilled attorney can help ensure that you make the right decisions, depending on the underlying circumstances. However, you must amicably decide who will have physical or legal custody of the child and who will have visitation rights. Some cases call for sole legal custody, and others call for joint legal custody. Since each family’s case is unique, you will decide on this depending on the circumstances of your divorce and other underlying factors.
The agreement must be explicit on custody matters to avoid conflicts or misunderstandings. You can change the agreement if circumstances change.
Your Child Should Be The Priority
Although children are the ones who suffer most when a marriage fails, they are least recognized, especially when parents have significant issues to deal with before the final separation. The needs of children are ignored most of the time, affecting their future. However, courts advocate for prioritizing children’s best interests in divorce agreements. This way, children will not be affected by their parent’s decisions. This, too, should be your primary consideration if you care about your child’s present and future. You should be able to recognize what your child needs the most and aim to provide it to them, regardless of your relationship with your partner.
Divorces are usually riddled with emotions. Partners fight because they want to benefit more or punish each other for the failed marriage. It becomes increasingly complex to think of someone else when you feel your partner is ripping you off a life that costs you a lot or takes you a long time to build. But this only hurts your innocent child. When drafting a custody agreement, you must prioritize your child’s interests to ensure they do not suffer because of your or your partner's mistakes.
The best place to start is to think of what will make your child happy. If having their mother or father around is what the child needs the most, you must make sacrifices to meet the child’s needs. Allowing your choices to be influenced by anger will make you overlook what is important, which is your child’s interests. For example, if your behavior is likely to put the child at risk of harm, you must make a difficult decision to keep them safe. Your final decision should guarantee the child’s safety, health, and welfare, even if it costs you more money or causes you to stay away from them for some time.
Consider Your Partner’s Interests
Separation and divorce are often characterized by endless fights as partners compete to make life difficult for each other. This should not be the case when a child is involved. Fighting your partner or making them look bad can affect your child’s present and future. When deciding custody matters, your partner’s failure should not be considered unless it directly affects the child’s well-being. Thus, consider what your partner wants and be amicable when drafting this agreement.
Consider that failing in marriage does not automatically mean you have failed in parenting. A lousy marriage partner is not automatically a bad parent. All parents deserve a chance at parenting, regardless of the mistakes or bad decisions they have made in life. This should help you look at your partner differently, with your child’s best interests in mind.
When drafting a custody agreement, do not allow the failure of your marriage to influence your decisions. Your partner is a parent, too, so they should be considered every time a decision regarding their child is made. A skilled attorney will help you set aside your emotions and guide you into agreeing on things that will work for your child. They will also help you see parenting potential in a partner you have possibly dismissed. This way, your child will enjoy a healthy relationship with both parents for sound physical and emotional growth.
Suppose you know your partner’s weakness, which could affect the agreement. In that case, you can discuss it in a friendly manner instead of using it as an opportunity to deny them their custody or visitation rights. Partners should also agree to communicate for the child’s sake, regardless of their differences.
Compromise is Vital
Remember that your personal and your partner's interests should not supersede your child’s interests in a custody agreement. Thus, you must be willing to compromise to give your child exactly what they need. It could be challenging to agree if you feel that your partner is receiving more than you in the custody battle, but understanding what is at stake will help you forego some of your personal needs for your child’s sake.
You could be expected to compromise on essential matters like holidays, weekends, visitation schedules, or birthdays. If your child is unavailable on the weekends, you will be expected to pick another time that suits your schedule and that of your partner. Some days will be better than others. Fighting such requirements will make developing a successful agreement that serves your child’s interests challenging.
Remember that if you are not married to your child’s other parent, your child will not always be with you. Keeping that in mind prepares you for what is to come. If you are used to seeing your child daily at home, things will be different after a divorce. You must compromise some of your commitments to commit sufficient time with your child.
It also helps to have reasonable expectations regarding your partner. Remember that divorce is also hard for them, not just for you. They, too, have to compromise crucial matters to make time for the child. Do not make selfish suggestions that make them look bad or that will not work for them. Each partner in the agreement must create a compromising agreement for the child.
Making compromises also sets an excellent example for your child. You could model good behavior that will benefit your child’s future, especially in decision-making.
Develop a Customized Schedule for the Child
Deciding on your child's joint, shared, or sole custody is insufficient. You must consider all the details involved, including the times or hours each parent must spend with the child. This will make things easier for you when the agreement is implemented. This means sitting through meetings with your partner, with the help of your attorney, to discuss issues regarding your child. It also means setting aside your differences and personal interests and only considering what your child needs.
Your attorney will help you develop a schedule early enough in the divorce process so that you will be ready to implement it immediately after the divorce is settled. This also helps ensure clarity on what you must do right after divorce. Most couples deal with the divorce first and child custody issues later, leaving the child hanging in the balance after the parents separate. Setting schedules and finalizing the custody agreement should be a priority so everyone, including the child, knows what to expect after the final verdict.
Your attorney will discuss the need to be flexible when setting schedules to avoid conflicts and frustrations when things do not work as you had agreed. A well-designed schedule ensures both parents have sufficient time with the child. You will not need to file a motion in court after the divorce to demand additional time with the child. Although this could happen later, when circumstances change in your case, you should try to have a workable schedule right from the beginning.
Additionally, you must discuss contingency provisions. For example, you should know what to do if one partner wants to relocate to a different town or state. Once you have all these matters covered in the agreement, you will not be surprised when they happen. Again, there will be a smooth transition for you and the child, and significant changes will occur in your lives.
When developing a schedule, include all the details. You could have visitation and custody schedules in greater detail to ensure that even the child understands what to expect at any given time. Create a weekly or daily routine, including weekends, holidays, and special days or events. Specifically, state the parent who will drop off or pick up the child from particular events or visitations.
Keep The Agreement Organized
The court will need a detailed custody agreement from you. This will also benefit you, your partner, and the child. The judge will likely approve a custody agreement that has taken you time and thought to develop rather than a disorganized one you have created in a rush. Sitting through lengthy meetings with your partner could be challenging, especially after a nasty fallout. However, consider it a gift for your child, who does not deserve what you are going through. This should motivate you to compromise your time and pride to develop a clear and precise custody agreement.
For example, instead of generalizing crucial matters like visitation and custody, specify who will have the child, for how long, and when the visitations should happen. Again, let the agreement be through mutual understanding to avoid more legal battles after the divorce.
Remember that the judge will rely on your information for the final verdict. The judge will not set aside time to learn about you and your partner to decide your case. Ensure they understand your motive and interest in the agreement you draft. If it appears to the judge that the child’s best interests have been ignored or one partner is selfish, they will not approve the custody agreement. Thus, there is a need to take time to develop a schedule that not only works for you and your partner but the court will approve.
Additionally, both partners should participate in drafting the agreement. Your partner should know everything about the agreement, just as you do. They can answer questions if asked for clarification in court. The court will not approve a one-sided custody agreement as it will not serve the child’s best interest. Remember that family courts advocate for both parents to be present in a child’s life. It also advocates for a child's needs to be fully met in all circumstances. If a third party does not view your agreement from that perspective, the judge will not approve it.
Find a Competent Family Law Attorney Near Me
Do you or someone you know going through a divorce in San Diego and having a child involved?
Deciding on a child’s best interests should be a top priority. Thus, drafting a custody agreement is advisable to meet your child’s needs after the separation. A skilled divorce attorney can guide you in drafting a successful agreement that works for you and your partner and serves your child’s best interests.
At San Diego Divorce Attorney, we handle all kinds of divorce cases. We can help you develop a precise, detailed custody agreement that the judge will approve. This should help you start on the right note after the final verdict in your case. Call us at 858-529-5150 to learn more about custody agreements and our services.
