Even the strongest marriages encounter hurdles, or partners could simply drift apart. This can be a challenging period without an easy solution. Unfortunately, most partners do not know that they have many options. You do not need to immediately pull away from your marriage if you are starting to wonder about its future. Consider a trial separation if you are feeling stuck. A trial separation is one way to step back from your marriage, evaluate the situation, and gain clarity about your future.
A Trial Separation
A trial separation is a situation where married partners voluntarily take a break. This gives both spouses time to step back, take a breather, and see how it is to stay alone. It is common for spouses to do the following during a trial separation:
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Set rules where children and pets will stay.
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Make arrangements for child-related expenses, debts, and income.
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Move into another home or a spare room.
A trial separation could be necessary when partners feel distant and need time to heal after experiencing a hitch like infidelity or abuse. It could also be helpful if partners are facing stressful situations like job changes or health issues. This is a temporary agreement that does not terminate a relationship. Instead, it allows spouses to gain a fresh perspective on their marriage and decide how to move forward, apart or together.
During a trial separation, you and your partner are still lawfully married. Therefore, your duty to one another and marital property rights remain the same. For example, if one of the partners acquires a new car, the court will split the car according to the state's property laws. This will happen if you file for divorce.
What You Do When Preparing Yourself For A Trial Separation
A trial separation is not as complex as a divorce or final disunion. However, it encompasses specific arrangements that are not easy to understand. You should know how a trial separation works to ensure it goes well without significant challenges. The following are the factors to consider when preparing yourself for a trial separation:
Focus On Yourself
A split or a trial separation is all about disengagement. You should ensure that you make arrangements for yourself because there is no dependency on each other. You can do the following:
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Change the passwords of your bank accounts and social media handles.
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Engage in the activities that can make you independent.
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Develop a list of crucial documents, like a marriage certificate and financial documents.
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Obtain their copies and store them safely with you.
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Open a different bank account, and do not share your passwords and pins.
Make Appropriate Arrangements For Your Children
You must be extra cautious about making critical decisions when you have children. Children could experience deteriorated daily functioning with your separation. You should stay under one roof if your children are too young and the problem between you and your spouse is insignificant. If your children are old enough to understand and you have decided to stay separately, you should explain to your children what is happening.
Ensure that both of you get to spend time with your children. Decide who will manage your children's financial responsibilities and where the children will stay. Develop the terms and conditions, write them down, and move on. Ensure that you do not neglect your children.
Make Your Living Arrangements
You might ask yourself if you will continue living in the same home during a trial separation. Some partners can be separated but live together, while others can decide to live in different homes. This can be decided based on the following:
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Moving away might be easier if there are no children involved. However, you should consider the plight of children if you have them.
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Decide who is moving out and who is staying at home. One of you can rent a space for a while. You can also decide that both of you will live in the same house but in different rooms. You should also decide who pays the rent or whether you will split the rent equally.
Sort Your Finances
It is likely that your finances are joint if you and your spouse have been married for a long time. You need to sort the following in advance when you plan for a trial separation:
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Decide who is going to manage specific costs.
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Decide on the amount if your spouse requires monthly maintenance.
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You could put the above mutual terms in writing or an informal pact to prevent disputes, rifts, mix-ups, or misses when separated.
Surviving a Trial Separation
A trial separation only gives spouses ample time to make the right decisions. It does not necessarily favor marriages. Initially, it could be hard to survive the period of separation, even if it can give spouses some clarity. The following are the steps that could guide you through it:
Communicate Openly
Open communication is essential during a trial separation. You should set regular check-ins to discuss your feelings, progress, and concerns, ensuring you feel supported to reduce the risk of misunderstanding.
Evaluate Your Goals
One partner might be a proponent of a happy marriage, while the other might be negative and opt for a divorce. Before separating, talk to each other and determine if the separation is necessary. During the period of separation, reach out to one another to determine if both of you are moving toward the same goal or in the opposite direction.
Seek Help From Outside
If you need help, you could reach out to your parents, family members, or friends. Avoid taking care of it all solely. Discuss your plan with them and how they can assist you in getting through the period. If you are not comfortable discussing it with your immediate family or friends, you could talk to a professional counselor.
Set The Trial Separation Period
Most partners commonly ask about the period a trial separation should last. The separation period should neither be too long nor too short. It is a temporary period that should only take three to six months, depending on the spouses' agreement. You might be unable to think or reach an appropriate consensus if the period is too short. There is a chance that you could get used to staying separate if the period is too long. This can enhance the chances of seeking a divorce.
Establish Ground Rules
A trial separation period will work better, with some rules to follow by the spouses, even if they are unnecessary. These rules might or might not prevent divorce, but they can reduce misunderstandings. Develop the rules for when to communicate and the topics you can discuss, like children and finances. You should follow the rules for the period to get over smoothly.
Trial Separation and Legal Separation
Unlike a legal separation or divorce, a trial separation is flexible and informal. A legal separation involves strict rules, judges, and attorneys. In a trial separation, you and your partner can establish the best terms and conditions for both of you, like child-related expenses, living arrangements, or financial responsibilities.
On the other hand, a legal separation is an agreement ordered by the court. It follows a structured process, often including filing a separation agreement or petition and getting court approval. The court will issue a legal separation agreement specifying everything from the division of marital property to spousal support arrangements, child custody, visitation rights, and child support. The separation agreement is legally binding, and you could face legal action if you fail to abide by the contract terms.
Legal Impact of a Trial Separation
You should consult a divorce attorney first if you, your spouse, and your mental health professional decide that a trial separation is a good option for you. The attorney will advise you on whether there are any possible legal downsides to your decision. A trial separation is different from a legal separation. A legal separation is involved in a divorce. The significant difference between a legal separation and a divorce is that you can remarry if you divorce.
Advantages and Disadvantages of a Trial Separation
A trial separation could give partners an idea of what to do with their marriage, but it has advantages and advantages.
Advantages
The main advantage of a trial separation is that it gives spouses some hope to save their marriage, besides the much-needed space and alone time to analyze their marriage. It also allows you to assess your life from a different perspective. You can even come up with solutions to restart the marriage on a positive note if there is love between the two of you. You can come back together and work harder on your marriage after separation.
You are your own and can learn about managing finances during a trial separation. It also gives you a chance to learn other responsibilities all by yourself. This can help you become strong and independent.
A trial separation can give you ample time to make sensible decisions. Emotional detachment promotes decision-making abilities and helps you think practically.
If your relationship is not doing well, you can consider a trial separation alone. There could be frequent disagreements, arguments, and fights. However, a little space and time can end all the negativity, and you will be at peace for some time.
Unlike other legal procedures, a trial separation is inexpensive. You will only incur your own costs and not worry about your spouse's expenses unless you agree to them.
A trial separation helps you avoid making hasty decisions that you could regret. You could go for couple's counseling in the meantime. Counseling might be more healthy if taken before the separation.
Disadvantages
Breaking the news of your separation to your children is one of the major hassles of a trial separation. Children are always very sensitive to stressors on parents, which could cause distress to them and develop symptoms if not adequately addressed.
There is usually no communication when you are physically separated. Even if it is temporary, there is always an odd chance it could become permanent. The gap between you might widen, and you could choose to stay separate.
There are hardly any financial benefits in a trial separation. Partners must manage it individually or depend on the other if one spouse is unemployed or has limited finances.
Couples' situations could be different. A trial separation could work well for some couples and lead to a reunion. However, it could also raise more substantial reasons for others to get a divorce.
Things You Should Avoid When Going Through a Trial Separation
A separation is not a divorce, and there could be a multitude of feelings from all parties involved. Avoid the following pitfalls when you believe that a trial separation is the right thing to do:
Avoid Cutting Off Your Partner Financially
You should act reasonably when sharing resources if your spouse is financially dependent. A child support or spousal support order could be retroactive if your spouse makes a successful claim. This could force you to pay support for the months before the order was made.
Avoid Changing The Financial Status Quo
Abusing joint credit accounts and depleting joint bank accounts are regarded as "unconscionable" acts, and the judge could impose punitive measures against you.
Avoid Interfering With Established Parent-Child Relationships
You should encourage access between your children and your spouse unless there is a risk of harm. Additionally, do not abandon your children. Show your intention to have access or custody from the point of separation.
Do Not Involve Your Children In The Conflict
Avoid discussing or arguing the details of your separation with your children. You should also avoid using your children as messengers between you and your partner.
Avoid Threats or Becoming Violent With Your Partner
Committing or threatening to commit violence could negatively affect your claim to the matrimonial home and to having custody of and access to your children. You could also be forced to seek the services of an attorney, thereby increasing your legal costs.
Do Not Leave Your Residence
You should not leave the family home unless there is a risk of harm to you or your children. Leaving your residence could hurt your claim to an interest in the home. You should only leave your home if you suspect that your spouse might allege that you assaulted them or you fear for your safety.
Avoid Disposing of Any Property
Do not try to change ownership or dispose of any assets that could be deemed property accumulated during the marriage. You could damage your credibility with the court if you are caught doing this.
Avoid Making Large Purchases
It is advisable not to make any large purchases until you have a court order or signed separation agreement. Doing so could have a negative impact on your financial obligation. Large purchases can include a new or used vehicle, a new home, or even a vacation.
Avoid Signing Any Documents
You should not agree to anything or sign any documents before consulting your attorney. Before negotiating a settlement with your partner, you must first understand your obligations and rights. A skilled attorney can help you make sound decisions.
Do Not Share Your Issues On Social Media
Grievances shared in public forums like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook could be used against you. Additionally, sharing disparaging comments regarding your ex-partner could create an awkward situation for mutual contacts. This could include your children and their friends, when you require any help.
Whether To Reconcile Or Divorce After A Trial Separation
It is essential to take some time to reflect on your feelings after the trial separation period is over. This can help you determine whether you want to divorce or reconcile. It can, however, be a hard decision to make. You should approach it with an open willingness and an open mind to work on your marriage if you choose.
If you decide to reconcile, it is essential to plan how you will continue to work on the issues that led to a trial separation. At this point, couples therapy is always recommended. Another good option to consider is individual therapy to work on personal matters.
However, if you opt for a divorce, you should approach the process with respect and compassion for each other. This could help you reduce the emotional impact of the divorce and make the process go smoothly. Partners who opt for a divorce after a therapeutic separation find greater clarity and closure with the decision, which promotes an amicable divorce.
Find a Skilled Divorce Attorney Near Me
No one enters a marriage expecting it to fail. However, the inevitable can happen, and things might not work out for you and your partner. A trial separation gives you time to reflect on your marriage by taking some time away from your spouse. It is more like practicing for divorce or getting a feel of how it would feel to live without your partner. If you are considering a trial separation, contacting an experienced divorce attorney is essential. An attorney will advise you whether a trial separation is a good option. For reliable legal guidance and representation, contact the San Diego Divorce Attorney. Call us at 858-529-5150 to speak to one of our attorneys.
